places and spaces

So y'all know I am in a small congregation and some of you share that congregation with me. We are people in common. We are sisters and brothers united in Christ. We are family. 

We are not picture postcard family, if someone took our picture at that moment some of us would be struggling, some of us would be soaring, some of us would be in between and some of us would not be there.

When we "do" church it is important to go. To "be" in church, to be there for ourselves but also for others. But not ever forgetting why we are there in the first place, to worship our God, to bring our praise to him, to pray, sing and listen, to hear words of wisdom from God through the channel that is the preacher. 

This morning our numbers were depleted because of a bunch of beautiful people took themselves away from the world and spent the weeking being with Lord. Thet sat at the feet of Jesus and walked with the Lord closely. While they did church together on retreat, the rest of our congregation came together and did church more traditionally.

I am so thank FULL for this morning, there was confirmation, there was giving, there was fellowship. There was peace, there was assurance of hope, there was the "Wizard of Oz". The retreaters could not click their ruby slippers together three times to be home, they needed cars and driving skill. But they got the other stuff - peace, hope, confirmation, giving and lots and lots of fellowship.

We are church without walls, we are not a building, we are a people of God, who despite differences in how we got here, come together in community and fellowship and unity. 

I love chuch

I love the people

I love church and people and people who DO church and people who BE church

and all the things in between;

 

Lord, thank you for church, thank you for people, thank YOU for everything, amen

Untitled

We were given dominion over all the earth. How awesome is that? God trusted us to look after the world and everything in it.

Did we?

With the advent of satellite photography and the internet we don’t have to search too deep to find massive rubbish piles in the middle of the oceans, boats traveling in circles with toxic waste tryong to find some place to land. Walking in any area of any National Park in any country and we see evidence of our flouting this trust.

In Killarney, the closest town to my house there is a National Park, a beautiful oasis of lakes, trees, forest walks and mountains. It is breathtaking in its beauty. Of wqual taking my breath away, plastic bottles, alumininium cans and plastic wrappers. Many of my friends, myself included bring a bag with us when walking to pick up the litter others leave. We bring our sandwiches wrapped in paper in case the wind catches the paper and carries it off. We do aim to bring the paper home.

A few years ago I lived in “Pleasantville”, a vast sprawling corporation estate, grey was the colour I remember most: grey roads, grey houses, grey water tower and ultimately grey people worn down by hopeless situations. There were so many children, it was like the pied piper’s residence and martial law reigned. There were rules, but not the rules of law or God’s law. The rules were handed down from dealer to dealer. Fear ruled. We lived there for eighteen months and in that time horrified by the amount of litter and dumping I started to teach the kids a bit about litter. It was a lesson in patience for me but eventually I was rewarded with kids bringing their treasure to me.

I focused with them on one item, the plastic that holds four or six cans together. Because there was a proliferation of drinking on doorstep and ginnels, these wrappers were everywhere. And they were harmful, birds and animals were quite easily strangled by them and so removing them was all good. I was up in that area last month and witnessed a small boy of no more than six running with three or four of these wrappers home. A learned behaviour from his elders. Patience rewarded.

24 And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.

²⁶ Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

²⁷ So God created human beings in his own image,

    in the image of God he created them;

    male and female he created them.

²⁸ God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

²⁹ Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so.

³¹ God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

Walk by faith not sight

Imagine no rainbow seeing, rainbow watching, rainbow touching, rain drops feeling, raindrops tasting. Imagine no senses:

Imagine not being able to notice the first crocuses in Spring or the leaves turning all those rich golden colours in autumn.

Imagine not being able to smell newly mown grass on a summer’s morning or turf fires burning in the grates in November

Imagine not being able to hear the waves crashing on the rocks in a wintry storm or the birds chirruping in March, home for the good weather.

Imagine not being able to walk barefoot on carpets of grass or sand, or shuffling through autumn leaves or splashing through puddles in boots.

Imagine not being able to touch a new born baby or lift your hands in praise or feel for  the alarm in the morning.

Imagine being deprived of the senses that make sense of the world.

Imagine being loved so much that all the senses you have respond to that love.

Imagine being wrapped in arms so strong, that strength fills every pore, every cell of your body.

Imagine the unimaginable ……………and LEAP

We walk by faith, not by sight or any other sense. Each foot we place on our journey is planted there not by our human endeavour but by surrendering our human weakness to the strength of the Lord.

He alone can strengthen us in times of trial, hold our hand whilst we skip with joy and love us, that fathomless, bottomless, beautiful love that we bask in.

In our weakness we hold firm to the one who is strong.

When we can’t see, hear, touch, move, smell and taste anything good in our lives, when the living is from breath to breath. When our life feels empty of without purpose, when hope is fading and fading fast. He is with us. We can let it all go, we can give all our worries and concerns to Him. Faith in Him, faith in our place in His family, if we place our faith in Him all things are possible through Him. Placing all our hope with Him instead of material possessions or human relationships, is the only And when we can smell the coffee, feel the sand and can jump for joy,

He delights in our joy.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:18-19

in {confidence} my life

A hundred years or more ago, or it feels like it. I wrote about reading Christian books with that modern jocular tone with people mentioned. It was one book in particular where the guy was writing about a couple in his church that were struggling with adultery. It got me thinking and writing about how one goes about telling a story without mentioning names and hurting people. It was important because I was embarking on a blog about this life.

One way of course is to only talk about yourself but that is narcissism and to be avoided. Another way is not to write. I pontificate on this in the piece and come up with a compromise. Explaining to people that they may wind up in these lines.

I will republish that piece later on in the week. And NOTE TO SELF: republish at regular intervals. There was occasion recently when a fellow sibling in Christ shared their guts out to me. Told me their backstory and to be honest if I had tried to make it up I would have fallen short. Their story is amazing, complex and really writable.

That sibling, has in writing, that I will never publish or use their story in any way because it was told in confidence – in confidence as in confidential and in confidence as in confident in me that I would not repeat the story. They didn’t ask for it, I gave the piece of paper outlining my understanding of in confidence.

You see these big Christian writers who pontificate on an issue a hundred years or more in their church don’t realise that the bit parts to  their stories are real people who are still alive and still might be struggling with the ramifications of adultery or whatever it is.

A big part of the surrender in my life this year happened in two situations both bound by confidence, both cannot be spoken about and yet the ramifications for me of those situations is that I have jumped and am still jumping, a jump without an end!

trains, giving and hurting

Facing the wrong way on a three hour train journey does not fill me with great happiness, sitting in church being told I was loaded as I put in my last bright blue note in the collection bowl does not fill me with great happiness but then no one ever told me to expect to be happy.

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No idea how I was so distracted, I mean I have taken trains with three screaming children and a grumpy husband and not managed to sit facing the wrong way. I don't know how to undo this situation so I figure I will stay facing the back until I am sick.

The last time I felt like this was on Easter Sunday being driven someplace and feeling like my insides wanted to clothe my outsides. I managed to hold on by the mantra "let me just get to x. let me just get to x" 

Sunday and time for giving. I put my hand in my pocket to take out a fiver and then changed my mind. It has to hurt. Hadn't I said that to someone else earlier in the week? So, yes, it has to hurt. If I give, it has to be real giving not lip service.

Real giving is when you are not giving a small piece at the end of the week or month but when you have to give something up for yourself in order to give. It is not about being thoughtless or irresponsible with money; it is about being judicious and giving what you can.

Sometimes we are without money. But that does not mean our giving has to stop, a man might want to talk in the street when you are rushing to a meeting, a person might need help painting a wall. These are giving opportunities; we need to look out for giving opportunities.

It does not have to hurt but we have to notice it. So for me, changing the bread pan to the 75c one instead of the €2 allows me to buy someone a cup of coffee. I can give the time whilst they drink it and listen to their story for free.

I remember one time I was working in Cork, I was rushing one Friday evening to get to the car back to Kerry when a nurse stood in front of me. A fellow sister in Christ, she was struggling and so on the corridor we sat down, we talked, we listened, we prayed. I broke the landspeed record to be back for a meeting in Kerry but it felt good to be there for her.

I met her again, recently in a different context, she remembered that evening and she told me how on a Friday evening she now went home slowly, reflectively, prayerfully and has helped many people on the way out the building. Giving that grows, a small giving growing in someone else.

Going backward on a train lets me reflect, on times when people have given to me and when I have given to people. The best way, I have discovered to give is to not expect anything from it. To give without expecting thanks. To give without expecting a response. It is a whole new way of giving.

So the person who said I was loaded, a few weeks earlier I had spent a few days supporting someone on the edge of leaving their church, because someone commented on their giving. , and told them they were showing off. How can we be showing off, giving till it hurts? That is not showing off, it is proving to ourselves that we can give more, the more we give, the more we do without, the more we do without.

 

thankle: word invention

Sitting in a waiting room across from someone I love. Shauna Cassidy was not looking at me. Her eyes were downcast, her hands akimbo, legs twitching. In my mind I was sending waves of empathy to her. Could she feel them? Did she sense them? Was her depression deflecting them onto the other people in the room?

Shauna was called into the counsellor. Was I the only one who felt the room grow warmer and lighter? The burden I had been carrying since Shauna asked me to bring her and why, lifted. The fog clearing so the room became less like a tunnel and more like a warren. There were many ways for Shauna to go from this point, the options opening up as she opened her mouth to the listening ears of the counsellor.

A text beeped its way into my consciousness. “Thankle for those thoughts, blessings, Elise xxx [{}]”

Thankle, what a word. Does it exist? I imagine the writer of wordlives, sitting with “thankle” on their desk. It would have to be handwritten, copperplate, and the person, androgynous. I can only see their hands, chubby and uncalloused, no rings. A thankle, what would it look like – A Christmas bauble shining like a star against the artificial lights on the tree, rainbows and fireworks. Full of promise but hollow on the inside.

The counsellor waves me in and I join them in the incense, jasmine I think, filled room, with empty new-age panpipes and I think of a thankle. Shauna is staying, she has filled the forms, she is full of hope and promises, but strangely with thankless in my head I think of all the empty promises, all the hot air,  Aristotle's discussion of the alazôn comes floating into my mind: 'the boaster is regarded as one who pretends to have distinguished qualities which he possesses either not at all or to a lesser degree than he pretends...exaggerating'

I smile, I hug, I wave goodbye. I leave.

There is much to be done, children to be foistered on unsuspecting relatives, a shrivelled, cirrhotic husband to be told, a community to kept at bay. My life to be centered not on panpipe philosophy, not on incense filled sessions and not at the bottom of a heroic Chardonnay. Breathing in and breathing out I sent waves of loves and empathy towards the building of empty promises, beware of the thankle.

I texted Elise telling her about word invention and arranging to meet for lunch. Elise in her need and me in my want of company, away from drugs and alcohol. Our lives were entwined by community, I wondered what Elise needed me for but that’s another tale.

What is in your head, little one?

Why so very, very sad?

Let me hold you

be with you today

Do you know I love you?

Do you know I care?

Prayer of love on you, baby,

wave of empathy send

 

renegade rainbows

If we consider iridescent colours in soap bubbles then we can control when and where we see rainbows. I have known since last summer that spraying water in the polytunnel created beautiful spectrums in the water droplets and I delighted in them. But a bit like the song

I saw two shooting stars last night
I wished on them but they were only satellites
Is it wrong to wish on space hardware
I wish, I wish, I wish you'd care

Likewise to create rainbows just to make one feel better, or lift the spirits, it is not wrong but reading stuff into it is wrong. The phenomenon I witnessed on Saturday evening a few weeks ago was beautiful possibly never to be repeated, a special occurrence.

Driving into Tralee I discovered that spectrums can be seen in the spray under a vehicle if the sun is at the right angle. This was immediately followed by a full rainbow against a dark grey sky. The downside to all this was I got wet!

Rainbows are created when the sun shines at a certain angle to rainwater droplets. God created rainbows, putting one in the sky as a reminder of the Noahic covenant. Sometimes just like walking along a beach and finding a stone shaped like a heart so we turn a corner in the pouring rain to be surprised by a rainbow.

Claiming a rainbow or a stone as a personal answer to a prayer or a sign of a listening Lord may be arrogant, because we as humans cannot think that big. However our thinking is small, it is provincial, it is personal. We cannot grasp the depth of what God can do. Even if we look at the hills and valleys, view the lakes, marvel at how the seasons change the habitat, we can never fathom how great God is.

So maybe, just maybe when you see a teeny rainbow on a small cloud at sunset with not a drop of rain in sight it is a sign from our mighty God. A personal sign just for you. Or maybe just a freak meteorological event for the whole world.