Zylmor, Dromdrevc and life as it is

Writing - both fiction and non-fiction, really bad poetry, photos, paintings and stuff


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Apr 28, 2012

airbrushing reality


the concept of airbrushing the bits of our lives we don't want came to me in Dublin. The crowd of people crossing the quays and onto the footbridge had to navigate a young guy, sitting on his haunches clearly feeling the bitter Liffey wind with a disposable cup from Burger King in his hand. The crowd past him by, some of the more athletic actually stepped over him as if he didn't exist. 
Maybe he didn't exist for them, for my son though, he existed, so much so that for the entire afternoon I was subjected to a soliliquy on the wastefulness of my life. How could I look at clothes that cost more than a week's wages when he and people like him have no food, no shelter, no warmth. My son has a deep social responsibility engraved in his heart, he has watched the political dialogue with keen interest since the collapse of the property market and the imploding of the banking system. He sees through the rhetoric of the politicians, questioning why they blame each other for the mess, instead of getting out the poop-a-scoop and dealing with it.
Did the crowd airbrush this guy out of the scene? Was I also culpable because I didn't stop. Sean stopped at every person asking for money that day and said hello, he didn't offer them money, he offered conversation, he offered a piece of himself.
I look at the turbulent youth, hormones raging, where everything is my fault (what's new) and see the mature human almost ready to come out. He studies morning and night, determined to get the result he desires in his exams, he has a unerring will, which up to now has been used for holding a grudge, for sulking, moaning and groaning, that is now being put to use. He is becoming the man he wants to be, he is becoming a man that will not sit by and let life happen around him. He is about to take the plunge into a new reality, a Sean that ignores disability, takes responsibility for his actions, loves life.
He will never airbrush anyone out of the scene that is his life. He welcomes each day, the bullies who for years tortured him. He has a huge base of forgiveness for those who have hurt him. Even yesterday talking about a grandparent that didn't want him, he showed immense empathy whilst knowing the truth in the statement, "Aaron's grandfather". I love this child-man, he drives me absolutely bananas, we argue like there is no tomorrow, we hurl insults at each other, we hug, we debate issues of the day, we are diametrically opposed in the area of soccer and football and yet it is me he brings results and commentary. I love this man-child.
The truth, oh don't we all love the truth, for many years I regretted not airbrushing him out of my reality. The scene is my house, the place is the corridor, one minute earlier Sean had been given two carrot batons and he happiliy sailed off munching his booty. He was three years old. Running back to me giving the international signal (how did he know it?) for choking. I battered his back, I turned him upside down to no avail. The blood vessels on his face burst, he almost died, I almost let him, I almost didn't intervene. But I did, I swept the pieces of carrots from the back of his mouth and he breathed, but I almost didn't. The reasoning for the almost - the life he would have to endure, the nightmare that was my life since he was born, probably because it was raining, I like to believe my reasoning was altruistic rather than selfish but can I ever be sure?
Each tantrum, each body blow, each intransigent stubborn commitment, I regretted the almost, until I saw manifestation of a star on his skin, a vibrant rainbow star that signified something a lot darker than a rainbow. I became his champion then. He had endured more than his disability, stoically without revenge and our relationship began a new journey.
To now, to my son-child-man who like me has many faults but his love of life and love of people and his love of the Lord shines out shrinking the negatives, I love him

hope ?


She sat waiting
Waiting to be picked up
Waiting to be nurtured
 loved
She waited

Noisily at first
With ever decreasing
Whimpers, moans
sobs
She waited

Until she cried no more
She expected no more
She hoped no more
lone
She stopped waiting

Apr 27, 2012

ramblings from myspace

Written in 2004/6
 Pootlesuzie's Blurbs
About me:
Growing up slowly in Zylmor years. Have lived on your earth for 41 of your years Things I like INTP Heroes of Might and Magic Zuma Discworld Working Playing Computer Games Walking Running Jogging Trampoline Lancashire Sheffield Ireland Spain Jeeps Vimto Manning's Bakery Cinema Skipping Shuffling Through Autumn Leaves Reading Playing with Kids Cooking Logic Puzzles Lateral Thinking Puzzles Marmite and peanut butter and lemon juice on black bread Chickens
Who I'd like to meet:
any one else that survived the Zylmor genocide of Domdrevc. Concavity executioners

GeneralSPECIALIST SUBJECTS, Zylmor survival of the few after the genocide of Domdrevc, Zylmor - the historical context of the Wars of Concavity, Space Thinking, EARTH SPECIALTIES, travelling- will go anywhere anytime - madagascar or to see your latest spaceship, music, kids, trampolining, yoga, gaelic football, aerobics, gym, jogging,??? running, walking, reading, computer games - as if it needs to be said, little house on the prairie
MusicGirl Music, Female Music, Women Music, Dykemusic, but not ladymusic, Dixie Chicks, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Aerosmith, Queen, The Adverts, The Clash, The Ramones, The Beatles, Rush, The Specials, Garth Brooks, Pogues, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Damned, The Vapors, Shania Twain, PiL, Elvis Costello, Stiff Little Fingers, All Saints, The Jam, Billie Holliday, TLC, GBH, Stranglers, The Sawdoctors, UK Subs, Sham 69, Cockney Rejects, Chumbawumba, Angelic Upstarts, Bow Wow Wow, X-ray Specs, Lonestar, Generation X, The Slits, Hazel O'Connor, Sid Vicious, The Ruts, The Members, 999, Will You, Vice Squad, Kirsty MacColl, Ewan macColl, Oldham Tinkers, No Dice, Spizzenergi, Athletico Spizz 80, Notsensibles, Flogging Mary, Waterboys,
FilmsGrease, Indiana Jones, Pirates of the Carribean, Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music, Die Hard,, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, To Sir with Love, Breaking Glass, The Jazz Singer, To Sir with Love 2,
TelevisionLittle House on the Prairie, Seventh Heaven, Judging Amy, Grey's Anatomy, ER, The League of Gentlemen, Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, Desperate Housewives, Trap Door, Biederbecke Affair, Podge and Rodge, Berk, ANTM, the twins from BB - delicious,
BooksHarry Potter, Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, Jonathan Kellerman, Roald Dahl, James Patterson, Philip Pullman, Sue Grafton, Cook Books, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe, The Bourne Supremacy, Jodi Picoult, Anne MacCaffrey, Sara Paretsky, Eoin Colfer, Val McDermid, Jamie Oliver, Agatha Raisin, Peter O'Donnell, Peter Robertson, J.K. Rowland, Diane Wynne Jones, Delia Smith, Elizabeth David, James Martin, Mine,
HeroesThe man that saved me from drowning 30 years ago, Hazel O'Connor, Sean Gallagher, Freda Kinmond,

Alien Living Amongst Us ---- Yep I'm from Zylmor

Female
46 years old
Kerry
Ireland

managed choice


Radio drone, a buzzing of words and language, noticing a different person begining to chat and falling back into a drone. The tippety tip of nearly thirty girls poring over their keyboards, a giggle - hesitant at first and then a more robust titter as something risque is broadcast to the nation.
I don't understand them - their talk of makeup and clothes - I don't do that. Once an orange girl was explaining that her usual makeup was empty so used another that was too dark - she even said herself she'd been "tangoed" Would it not be a better option to come without makeup and give rhetoric on the empty tube? Somethings are just too taboo in the office of the Managed Choice Insurance Inc. 
The sound of the girls getting ready for the morning break, the opening of the bags to take out the apple or yoghurt, the little click and mmmm as they re-apply lipstick using the shine on the monitors to see a good coverage. What is needed is enough to leave a bright red stain on each tea mug. My Robert Plant moment as break time the robot models are leaving enmass all heels and nylons a crescendo of gossip lingering till the doors swing shut. Droning radio, I think it a management tool in thought supression. well suppress this: I go into overdrive 30 minutes of free assault on the American Medical Insurance Dream. The keys are flying, the claims are being paid, no queries being made on whether orthotics are medically necessary or not. In this daily window of opportunity I don't ask these questions just pay pay pay. I try to get through 100 claims and then I leave each day with a wide smile knowing I have made 100 people's lives a little lighter because their medical bills got paid.
The trip trap of the heels and lippy come back into my hearing and I slow down, take five minutes to let my heart beat a little slower and the flush in my cheeks to subside - If the ladies around me thought (and that is strtching things) about me and my breaks I think they would see the palpatations and ruddiness as a sign of something else.
I have worked here for nine years during which I have endured this daily nonsense to be continued

anorexic chick


this is a conversation between a mother and daughter about a meal

"Glad you came to see me babe
Been three weeks or more"
(God you're so thin - just skin and bone)
"Have something to eat Sugar"

"Good to see you ma
[YOU ARE SO FAT]
Must watch my calories you know ho ho!
Just a small salad will do
No, No [NO] more thank you
A small portion of salad
Is all I can manage
No dressing at all at all
[DRESSING! DRESSING!
YOU WANT ME FAT!!!]
"I've only lettuce my Dear Sweet Pie"
"A lettuce leaf is fine
Just right
Ahh what a lovely crisp leaf"
(A lettuce leaf! A lettuce leaf!
You cannot survive on that)
"Have a piece of cheese, ham or bread"
"No, a lettuce leaf is good,
perhaps a little much
shall we share?"
(SHARE!
I am losing perspective
please eat more - are we different species
half a freaking lettuce leaf PAH)
"Mmm, that was delicious
No I can't manage more,
two bites are quite sufficient
I chew a hundred times
Aids the digestion helps the metabolism"
(WHAT ARE YOU DOING
YOU CRAZY FOOL
COME - EAT PIZZA
COME - EAT PIE
PLEASE - DON'T DIE)
"Good bye mother, good to see you"
"Bye Babydoll"

reclamation of mind


May 2007, not sure where I got this mood but...

What if....
I wasn't as good as I purport to be.
What if....
The mask is slipping and the real me is beginning to form
Stretching breathing coming into focus.
The beast I have for so long hidden.
 I knew this day would come:
When I could reclaim this body as my own, get rid
Of this useless wishy washy warm fuzzy dirt breath=
Enter into my realm - SuperPower ME
This body has lived in safe mode for a decade or more
It is time to get it back to work on the Danger LiveWire
Let us pray for the weak little pootlesuzie that has been
Welcome in the era of Lady G- Evil being her middle name
She will shout you down in an argument
Steal your husband, drive you mad
She will attack you in the street with such venom
You will fade away with shock