hautrev

The truth is I am a fraud. I live on the surface in a family with children, with friends, with animals. Underneath the tumultuous world of hautrev is once again sucking me in. I find it hard to keep up my commitments whilst listening to ever increasing wailing and moaning. It's my own fault, I allowed hautrev in after many years without it, loving the feeling of hearing the sounds of other people's lives was comforting at first.

Was it because I was listening for something specific that I heard more, I heard everything. It could drive me insane, I know this, elderfem was very clear on this subject. She wanted me to hide it, harness it and then when the time was right use it for the destruction of the Charter system. It was she who arranged for my journey to Dromdrevc, my art was seen by some minor politabub at her request. Elderfem manipulated the whole deal, none of them saw it, those stupid men with their colours and gowns, none of them saw in me their endworld.

I am searching for more, I am looking for refugees from the wars of concavity, I am looking for my co-conspirators. How did I survive and they didn't? They could be on another planet, wider and wider I fling my mind open trying to catch a phrase, a word that means I have found them.

Hautrev appeared three years ago, I so wish it had come sooner. I have had inklings about certain people, in the media, singers, poets. We were a creative bunch. Piotreya was the inventor, creating vast circuitry, when a new, for earth innovation comes on-line I wonder if she was there. Japan would suit Piotreya, she loved the order in Dromdrevc, she seemed to like the rules, it contained her. Yandryl, sweet, little Yandryl, I read poetry extensively, just to see if I can find him. I imagine him placed in the wrong family on earth, suffering not only for his art but for his size and wit.

They didn't have hautrev, we could all mindspeak, but they couldn't hear thoughts, only the messages intended for them. Elderfem called it an irritation, she called me an irritation, something that had to have a purpose. She consulted with the wirdmal, man of many words, and he found the endworld vision. Elderfem interpreted it as me being the cause for the wars. She was wrong, Pio, Yan and I merely knew they were coming and made plans to escape, using the limited power of concavity.

People were banished from Zylmor using the pod system, Pio tweaked it a little so we went further and we went to specific, very specific places. She explained that the banished arrived on planets as minormals and fems but not as newborns of the species, they were found wandering in wastelands or forests and were questioned extensively. Using her skills she had us arrive as newborns into newborn facilities at appropriate times for the gestation period of the planet's fems. Sounded complicated to me, then, now as I look back on my earth life I am amazed at what she achieved.

My earthmother, the nurturer of my young body, knew I wasn't her baby. I didn't realise this until hautrev came upon me and I read her thoughts. All became clear to me, not matter what I did, she knew. Instinct, she must have had a honed instinct skill in those days, later after years of prescription mindblowing drugs she had little left. Pio had thought of everything except a mother's instincts.

Maybe if I had Pio's brain I could reign in hautrev, look in specific places, use the telecommunications on earth. I can't though and am left with wave after wave of weltschermz, the whole earth seems sad, depressed, dying. Sanity is hard to hold onto when the ebb is rising, I will try one more sweep then get on with my chores for the day.

Rainbows IV

My homeplace, my homestead was in an isolated area in the west of Dromdrevc. It took three days to travel to the capital in the pod, three days of looking out at the sidings go by. On Zylmor our transportation system used channels like earth canals with no water, during the night when it rained these channels were used to divert water for use in production of gas. transportation ceased in the evening, pods were raised to ground level during the night and the water rushing underneath was soothing. Those three days and nights were the only time I spent alone on Zylmor, I was escorted to and from lessons

rainbows III

We didn't have rainbows on Zylmor, it didn't rain during the day, the first time I remember experiencing rain on earth I thought the sky was falling in, it made no sense to me.
In Dromdrevc we were in a climate controlled bubble so we saw neither good or bad weather, the lights dimmed towards evening and brightened again in the early morning. To be honest it could have been any length of time, I don't recall days getting shorter or longer as they do on earth. in my homeplace it rained during the night, I would hear the pitter pat on the roof of the homestead, I call it a roof but it wasn't a separate structure like here, it was integral to the building. Days on Zylmor were bright but chilly, we could never have considered wearing as little as a t-shirt outside, we were always wrapped up and because of the air composition we had breathers on always. Inside the buildings piped gas kept us suitably aired. I don't remember playing out in the street as children in Kerry do, we went to lessons, came home and performed chores or homelessons. There was no time for play or chasing rainbows

Commitment

When I was 6 my parents committed me to the prison of Dromdrevc, for which they were paid enough to live comfortably. Before I left I thought I was doing a brave thing for the good of my family, in hindsight I see that I was brainwashed during the years of six to eight to accept my imprisonment passively and it worked. On my eighth birthday instead of going to loca lesson with my siblings I was dressed in a outside suit that had been prepared for me over many months, my hair was pulled up and pushed through hoops in a formal design and I was given a pair of foot sleeves, my very first pair. I thought I was important. The outside suit was a little tight around the ankle and wrist as I had grown in the last month. Finally the natural brown of my skin was powdered white and my lips were coloured blue to match my eyes and hair. I was ready, I proudly clambered into the suction pod, waving to my parents and mind-speaking goodbye. Dad was clipped in his reply, I thought it was because he was going to miss me but now I think he just wanted to walk away and get on with his life without me in it for eight years.
Everything in Domdrevc looked so shiny and new it took me weeks to realise I was imprisoned. The shocks I received for unauthorised mind-speak, we, all the prisoners, were taught to mouth speak and that was the only authorised language. It was much later I discovered the Charters could only speak through their mouths and wanted to control us so we couldn't rebel.
When I was fourteen a Charter minor-sib decided I was to be his lifefem, I was given no options, no choices. Jaydabin who I had an attachment with through the underground was disgusted assuming I had somehow encouraged the alliance. Having lived on earth for forty years I have been through this again and again and now I have words for it, jealousy, anger and envy. Back then I had no idea and took to my room except for work and food. The commitment came to nothing and I lost contact with Jaydabin during the Wars of Concavity.
I smile now that we, the underground were ultimately responsible for the losing of the war, the only thing that went wrong, for me was the suction pod that didn't take me home but to earth and in a bizarre and weird twist, recreated me as a human baby. Then a catalogue of mishaps and intervention I was placed in a dead baby's crib in a hospital in Northern England. My brain was functioning as a partially grown Zylesian so I knew there were people on the earth from Zylmor, how else could I have been placed. They had a commitment to ensure new arrivees were settled into a placement family.