revisiting toes

Hebrews 4:6
Therefore since it still remains for some to enter that rest, and since those who formerly had the good news proclaimed to them did not go inbecause of their disobedience,

 

If I sit very still I can pretend there is nothing wrong, I don’t have pain and I don’t need to do anything about it. If I stay very quiet even the little grunts of discomfort will not be heard.

I am in a quandary. The perplexing questions are not pain related at all, or indeed doctor or hospital related. The questions are: “why now?” and “how could I be so stupid?”

These questions have come up many times in my life. The huge electric bill – why now? The failing of an exam – how could I be so stupid?

Two years and some weeks ago I was in similar pain, same pain different foot. The pain became a blessing. I became still, possibly for the first time if not for a long time, I became still. I regrouped.

Yesterday the resignation form came in the post and in the evening I broke my toe. Thinking back to that time two years ago, it seems like a lifetime ago. I got up and continued, now I am inclined to sit back and rest.

I need the xray to confirm, it is bruised possibly broken, hurts the same as the rotten abscess in my tooth and the ache in my side. Laughingly I am falling apart, bits are breaking off, falling out and festering.

Joyfully I embrace the toe thing, what else can I do. It is what it is, I will learn from this escapade just like I have learned so much since May about how grace is seen in the unlikeliest of places, about where mercy is found and that the love of God transcends all human ideas of boundless.